In any level of pickup, there will be the "token" ______ guy. The guy who you always find at pickup regardless of level or geography. Here are just a few that I noticed.
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1. The Elder Statesman
Here is the guy that has a 4 digit UPA number. Here is the guy who started throwing hucks and hammers even before you knew about the game. You will frequently hear them talking about the 8th edition rules and gasp when they realize that the UPA is on the 11th edition. They may be older than most of us, but they still can ball. Typically they will bring their shaggy dog with them to the pickup game in addition to 2 or 3 of their young childeren whom at age 5 (sorry to say), tend to have better flicks than we do. Most are handlers who don't move very quickly on their surgically repaired knees (see Braces McGee), but will bomb hucks and 50 yard hammers with stunning accuracy. Poachy defense, and with great spirit, these old dogs are to be respected as they offer so much for the younger generation to learn.
2. Agro Craig
Mr. "Takes it too seriously." Or the guy who simply is too competitive for the level of pickup. We all have seen it... or maybe even assumed tihs role. These guys tend to be the more sour personalities of the bunch and are frequently seen chewing out their team for bad cuts/lack of cuts and/or muttering under his/her breath about how the cutter didn't make that deep S-cut or how the handler simply couldn't throw that inside/out flick break in the wind. Their skills tend not to keep up with their level of expectations from their teammates (although there are few exceptions), but in most cases, the average pickup player will just leave him be in his cloud of Agro-ness. They expect a lot out of other players who are really there just for some nice exercise and sun... and treat pickup much like universe point in the game to go to nationals. Sometimes warrented... usually ignored. Most players will respond to his motivational speeches promoting timed-cuts, hard defenses and marks with a simple reply of.. "Dude it's just Pickup..." Also will D the sh*t out of women.
3. The Newbie
These guys loove to BBQ. Backhand of course. Gear of choice includes and is not limited to a grey t-shirt, board shorts, tennis shoes, and/or a very confused facial expression. These are the guys who are usually brought out by friends, or who are new to the game. They are there to learn, and you have to give them credit for their determination and willingness to try. They stand out on the open side, not sure as to what to do, and when given the disc, they twirl the disc up above their head and throw the famous BBQ Backhand. Give them a couple more pickups... and they'll have the game down easy.
4. The Prespirer
The guy you hate to mark... because he's just dripping in sweat. They don't ever believe in synthetic materials and love to sport the dark cotton shirt that is simply struggling to keep up. It's not a big deal until you have to mark them and they pivot into you, drowning you in the process. They're good players... but for some reason just like to sweat.
5. Braces McGee
(See Elder Statesman). These are the guys that take quite a bit of time to get in the right flexibility/stretchy/warm uppy mode to play. In addition to cleats, players of this category will sport two humungous knee braces usually made of neoprene + velcro, ankle braces that lace up, and or an elbow brace for their curious case of "thrower's elbow." As a result, it takes a good 15-20 minutes for these players to gear up and stretch before playing. Their ankle braces are usually squeeky so it is not difficult to know when your guy is starting to run/cut. Sometimes (God forbid), they will reinjure their braced joint, but only slightly to the point where they retire to their fold out chair and talk about the MLB or NFL.
6. Sir Hucks o' Lot
Like the name implies, these are the good o'l huckers... and many of them simply are NOT huckers. They are solid players, but the huck is lacking. These are the guys that will simply break the hearts of their team... but forcing them to *gasp* play defense at pickup. Their hucks will be either super floaty/hospital, and or line drives that are easily d'd by people simply just standing there in the stack. Occassionally they will huck a nice one to an open receiver but that will simply boost their confidence into throwing something they really don't have. Common quotes include:
"Oh [name]!.... I thought you were going!!"
"Just go DEEP!"
"I totally have that!"
"Sorry guys... I hit my leg before the throw."
7. Mr. Excuses
Always has a reason as to why things happen or don't happen.
Why did the huck float out of bounds? "My cleat slipped."
What's with the drops? "It's too cold out..."
Why did I throw it straight into the ground? "I didn't warm up."
These guys always find a way to pass the torch of blame to someone/somebody else. I have even heard one guy say "I didn't shave," or even the "Allergies" alibi. I'm still waiting to hear someone say something along the lines of. "Yea, sorry about dropping that perfect throw... it's just the economy... you know how it is... my mind really isn't into it right now."
8. The Coach
Here are the aspiring coaches in the Ultimate world. The ones who want to throw ZONE in pickup... the ones who will demonstrate to newer players or even savvy veterans how to set a force. Everyone is below them, and their knowledge of the game is superior and they seem to want to share it with everyone when it simply doesn't matter or fit for the game at hand. I can see why they do it, why they look to coach their team, but for pickup... it seems a bit ridiculous when they ask a guy who has been playing ultimate their whole life if they know what a cup is... or when they teach an entirely new line of people the complexity of Split-stack, or a box zone. There are unwritten rules in pickup... and being the coach is not something that is looked well upon... especially if one is simply way too serious about it.
9. Add yours here! [comment below]
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till next time,
Hammie #10
4 comments:
love ya hammie :) This is great!
The TLaddie
Only plays pick up to make fun of all the players. The same players that taught him how to play he humiliates with a cruel sense of entitlement. He uses his old stomping grounds as a warm up, playing only when he wants to and never when he doesn't. Typically comes 30 minutes late, gets angry at the extreme lack of ability and leaves 15 minutes early and only after getting 3 baited lay out d's, 5 skys over taller players and bombing a plethora of perfect hucks that are dropped by his teammates in the endzone.
The Young Club Player
Only plays pick up because there is no other disc in town. This player commutes to play ultimate on the weekend with their club team, but they have to throw during the week. They set personal quotas at pick up, but don't get caught up in the competitiveness or preachiness of Agro Craig or The Coach. This player typically looks to break the mark every time they get the disc, makes high percentage decisions and gets 1-3 lay out d's per pickup.
Since there's a theme here:
The Shy
Shy doesn't give a fuck. He willfully accepts responsibility for all points scored against team because he was too busy trying to chit chat with that hot 38 year old on the sidelines and after 30 or so minutes just devolves to that. Once he gets the desire to try he occasionally does something good, but that is rare. Most of the time he's running goaltimate plays or throwing goaltimate throws. In all seriousness he'd rather play goaltimate...and subsequently spends half the time talking about goaltimate and the games going on that week. He's also Québécois.
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